Friday, 9 September 2016

A humorous collection of stories from everyday mums

As different as we are we all share the ups and downs of parenting life. We all struggle, make mistakes and then make a few more. So when you're negotiating a toddler tantrum, up in the middle of the night or wishing you were on a desert island, remember, you are not alone.

Emma, Mexborough "I once warmed up ketchup in the microwave instead of the bottle"

Real Life Manic Mum "After his bath my son was sat naked on the settee. I saw his face turn into 'I'm having a poo' mode so I rushed over, picked him up and held him at arms length to quickly get him on his potty in the bathroom. Unfortunately he'd started pooing. As it dropped on the carpet (cream) I then walk through it (bare foot). Nice."

Nicola, Northampton "On a trip to IKEA I left my purse in the car so went down the escalator to get it. My tired head forgot I needed the first floor so I ran up two flights of stairs to find I was in the wrong place. I literally panicked seeing no way back down. I looked for a lift and then had to ask a member of staff who kindly pointed out I could use the stairs I had just come up!"

Deborah, Mexborough "I drove my eldest to school and then walked home. Then I went into work my husband called in to see me. He asked where the car was as he'd not seen it on the drive. I panicked and said OMG someone must have stolen it. Walking home I remembered I'd left it parked at school. This was after my husband had called the police"

Rachel, Mexborough "I had a white noise app on my phone that played shhhhhhh sounds that I used all the time to try and get them to nap. Failing that I often put them in the pushchair next to the extractor fan. "

Real Life Manic Mum "In the initial weeks of his life my first born wouldn't settle unless he was laid on my chest. One night I woke up laid down with my baby no where to be seen. In a blind panic I rummaged round the duvet convinced I'd lost him in the bed. I glanced across at the Moses basket and there he was sleeping peacefully. I never even remembered putting him back!"

Alice, Wath "On arriving at the shops my little boy was asleep so I popped him in his pushchair, reclined it back and pulled down the hood while he snoozed. I wasn't aware he'd woken up until he launched himself into the shampoo bottles on the shelf head first tumbling out of his chair"

Real Life Manic Mum "Rushing around I popped my little one in his car seat in the back of the car and then helped my eldest fasten his seat belt. About 8 minutes into the drive my eldest enquired why his brother didn't need to be strapped in but he did!"

Emma, Mexborough "I got up at crack of bird poop with my youngest. Carefully but bleary eyed carrying him downstairs in the moses basket. Some prat (my husband) had left a book on stairs. I went flying, moses basket tipped up & baby rolled down the stairs. I screamed like a banshee waking the whole house!!"

Nicola, Swinton "We were on holiday in Menorca. Our 10 month old had fallen asleep in her pushchair so we left her in it and pushed her behind our sunbeds in the shade and we chilled out for a bit. We heard her making a noise so turned to check on her and then both wondered where she had got chocolate from. It was all around her mouth and her dummy was covered in it. Upon further inspection and mainly due to the smell, it quickly dawned on us that sadly it wasn't chocolate. She had done a poo and decided to put her hand in her nappy and treat herself to a mid-afternoon snack - yuck!! X

Debra, Rotherham "I was on my way to see the nurse for his 6 week check. I put him in the carry cot then attached it to the pram. As I tipped the pram in a downward motion to go over a step the carry cot bit slid off and fell onto the concrete floor, turning upside down with baby inside. I ran up the street tears streaming down my face thinking I had damaged my baby permanently. The nurse calmed me down and made me feel like I wasn't a bad rubbish mum"

Nicola, Northampton "One night I sang twinkle twinkle little star 15 times back to back just to help get Erin back to sleep. I remember slurring the words towards the end as I was singing myself to sleep."

Kim, Rotherham "I was winding my little girl who was a few weeks old after I'd finished breast feeding. She was wiggling and unsettled then suddenly projectile vomited blood! Emergency services, Sheffield  Children's Hospital, tests... Turns out she had been suckling on a blood vessel and not getting any milk!!! Yuk yuk yuk!!"

Rachel, Lanzarote "my first baby got a personalised note book. I noted how many poops a day, how many naps, what times he napped etc. I got bit obsessed with noting everything down, trying to be perfect. My second hasn't had anything like that and I'm enjoying her so much"

Deborah, Mexborough "I use to wake up in middle night thinking he wasn't breathing so would blow on his face and then he'd wake up and I'm like 'what the hell was I thinking???' "

Claire, Manchester "The first walk after she was born ... Fed, changed, pramsuit on. Battled to get brand new pram up, hot crying baby but ready to go. A family member coming on the walk decided they just needed to go for a wee. I had a melt down. We didn't leave the house again for a week"

Claire, Manchester "To remember which boob went last I tried wearing a bracelet on the same arm which matched the last boob. Unfortunately I was so tired I kept forgetting to move the bloody thing."

Josie, Mexborough "I had been booby feeding my daughter in her sling and my son wanted boob too so I squished the other boob out of the side of the sling for him to stand and have some. My eldest's (10 yr old) girlfriend and her mum came to pick him up to go out. When they arrived i answered the doordoor, said hello and waved them off. I then realised I'd had my boob still squished out of the side of the sling for them and all neighbours to see! Weirdly they dumped each other Monday morning 😂"

Claire, Manchester "my husband drove to work as normal, went into the staff carpark, reversing into a space and crapped himself to find his sleeping daughter in her car seat in the back. Completely forgotten he had a small daughter who needed to be dropped at nursery first. We were grateful he reversed in!"

Josie, Mexborough  "Never forget my son choking and then projectile vomiting mashed potatoes all over in marks and Spencer café"

Deborah, Mexborough "My son decided to poo in the bath and no one was around to help. So I left it in whilst getting him dried and ready for bed. I then forgot all about it when I came to want a bath later. Eeww"

Fiona, Mexborough "Holding my newborn daughter up mid nappy change to admire her and she crapped in my hand"

Josie, Mexborough "My son got stuck inside a highchair whilst out for Sunday lunch. It was mega busy, the chef came out of kitchen and extracted him using some margarine"

Fiona, Mexborough "I remember having a complete meltdown at my husband on the phone because he had dared to take our daughter to the pub to show her off"
Niky, Sheffield "I remember standing in the middle of the bus station and a lady tapping me on the shoulder saying "excuse me, do you know your baby has been sick on you?" I took my coat off and all down the back of my bright red wool coat was white stinking baby sick . I had to get baby wipes and try and clean it off in the middle of the bus station with a newborn :( "
Emma, Mexborough "I put my 1 year old son in the car placing my keys in his lap while I fastened his car seat.  I shut his door to get in myself. Unfortunately he pressed lock on the key. Five security guards were trying to get in. He then pressed the button again, dead locking the car. Bloody safety glass wouldn't smash. He was screaming by this point and was then sick. Police were called by security just in case. A man ran to the garage to get centre point to be able to smash glass. Eventually we got the front window smashed. By this time my son was asleep and completely unaware of all the drama"
Real Life Manic Mum "With my first baby I got my knickers in a twist over feeding times and remember protesting on the phone to my mum that 2pm to 4pm was definitely 3 hours. I even counted on my fingers, 2,3,4 see 3 hours!!!"

If you would like to donate to PANDAS (Pre & Post Natal Depression Advice & Support) to help them support sufferers of perinatal mental illnesses please text PANDAS £3, £5 or £10 to 70660. Thank You (#PNDAW16)
A big thank you to everyone for their stories and fellow mummy bloggers for sharing my post.      Whinge Whinge Wine   Accidental Hipster Mum   Handful of Halfpennys   Guilty Mother  Mouse, Moo & Me Too
(Do take a look at their blog pages, they are all fabulous!)

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